Jessie

The 8-Shaded Rainbow –Part 16

When the phone rang, I thought I’m doomed!  I thought I slept in until the brightest of the sunshine when the phone rings at the usual.  Did I shut my alarm clock off when it squealed?  Did I accidentally roll over it and break it then?  I might as well have just lost my job! Darn!

I couldn’t even find my mobile phone! What the..!!!  I grabbed my net book and hurdled to check the time.  11:39pm it says - I woke up just a little bit shy off midnight.  God, I was asleep for the last 9 hours!  I still am a wee bit sleepy but relief made my body jolt and my blood rush.  I checked my inbox of course! Facebook....Facebook...Facebook.   Hmmmm....might as well open my account!  More photos were uploaded from the Baby Shower Party we have had for Jeff’s coming-soon-nephew, plus a few more taken the next day.  A number of friends were online so I chatted with a few for a while.  I say bye-bye not very long after, thinking I might still be able to sleep some more.  I tried, I failed.  I think I just slept long enough to last me for 3 days!

So here I am, tipping and tapping the keyboard once again at two in the morning - might as well do some recollection.

 

I am starting to realize how ugly it could get if you are the only person with a single status amongst your group.  In a party I was talking about very recently, I had been the object of endless teasing.  While I enjoyed so much of my vodka mixed drinks, I dread the teasing part so much.  One said, “Jessie, my good friend here is single.” “Jessie, I would like you meet this and that.” “Jessie, you better get back into action.” “Check your mailbox regularly Jessie, there might be an invitation from the monastery for you pretty soon!”  “Hahaha...Jessie, when was the last time you had sex?” Blah...Blah...Blah... and then there goes the thundering laughter!  Oh yeah, I am the laughingstock!  I laugh along too.  I mean, what do I do?  I actually thought it was funny.  Not until I am all alone like this time and their voices are ringing in my ears like that spooky sound from a dungeon.

I don’t need to be in a relationship right now, alright?  I am fine and I will be fine.  I have more important things in my priority list to pay attention to!  Not very true.  For many years now, it seemed so hard to find my second chance.  It’s just not happening.  In few instances, I thought, yeah, maybe I could give it a try; I thought I might as well go out there; I thought I might be a little too dense to notice things around.  I tried; I swear I did.  But just as I am about ready to water down the rigidity, I turn away.  I couldn’t do it.  I just can’t. Some friends of mine told me, I might still be in love with Marcus (the father of my daughter) after all these years.  They may be right.  But even so, it seems like love alone isn’t enough for me anymore.  I have gone to the extremes that I lost my sense of emotion in the process somehow.  Sometimes, I am almost convinced that the joke is actually on me.

I can’t help but walk down the memory lane back to the days when I first fell in love.  But I have to cut the walking and turn around right away.  Too much heartache, too much tears, too much air of failure.  Up until this day, I still couldn’t muster the courage to face my nightmares - too much to handle; I have yet to gather enough strength to overcome the pain.  I have given too much of myself that nothing’s left for me.  I have to build myself again; I shall then see if I’d still be able to love as much once more.

Noreen didn’t make it to the party.  Laura wasn’t there too.  Cherry, a new friend, though I invited her, didn’t make it as well.  Janelle is in London with Adam.  Not that I wished to see her, but if she were in town, I’m sure she’d come.  Maya is there of course, (she is wherever Ethan is.)  Maya almost spilled something out, but she was very cautious.  She already dropped some hints, telling me we should get drunk.  I asked her if she’s okay.  She said “NO” and extended a rather emotional hug.  So we had a drink, I thought she’s gonna drop the bomb.  She did not.  I pressed harder; but she is determined to keep mum.

Too bad for Maya, the bomb exploded anyway.  Ethan, apparently, not only womanizes, he also goes with gay benefactors.  He is still on with the mother of his child back home in the Philippines.  While here in Canada, he is with “her”; he is seen with “her” too; going out with “her” as well, and “him!”  He uses them.  He still owes money to the girl he was with before Maya.

Ethan is good looking.  But the kind of person that he is, stinks.  Okay, here I am again.  I am not here to judge, alright.  But how would you justify such behaviour?  Enough of that; I will just be overly-furious.  I will sound bias too.  My hands are off.

I think I shall just focus on myself and how I look these days.  I gained a good 5-6 pounds.  My latest photos can tell.  I am not happy about it.  I have to go back to strict dieting and lots of running, I’d say.  Maybe lessen the going over Noreen’s house too.  Because I tell you what, it’s Christmas time there every time I come over.  Lots of food and Noreen and I feast on them like there’s no tomorrow.  But I do love food!  Oh dear, please help me make it through....