Beatriz

The 8-Shaded Rainbow – Part 13

Lately, I came into thinking which shade of the rainbow could possibly belong to these ladies.  I haven`t completed the assignment yet but the “Red,” without thinking twice, I could instantly associate with Maya – aggressive, sexual and bitchy.  ”Green” is either Anne or Angela - that, I have yet to decide. 

Today, very early in the morning, I had the chance to chat with Beatriz.  I am browsing through my account in this public networking site when I noticed she was online as well.  Of course there`s nothing extra special about her being online, but at 5:30am?  That was weird considering that Beatriz works the night shift.  I said “Hi” and asked how she is.  Beatriz did not play it sheepishly at all.  She casually told me she`s not okay and that, the troubles she have had with Eric, her husband, is worse now than ever; and poor, poor Beatriz, couldn`t just sleep over it. 

I pushed it further.  Playing the nosy neighbour role, I pressed on the issue trying to squeeze some more juice out of Beatriz`s dilemma.  (Yeah, I know I am rude and cruel but I need facts.  Just give me this, okay?)

                Eric, from the last conversation they have had, told Beatriz that he doesn`t want to talk to her anymore.  That was two weeks ago.  I can imagine Beatriz having to deal with such a heart break all this time.  I would say I know her quite well when it comes to matters concerning Eric and, that sleepless night she had last night, for sure did not just happen last night but most likely on the night before, the night before that and the night back then.  Eric told her that they just would talk when they both go back to the Philippines (Eric in July, Beatriz in September.)  There you go, how on earth would you ever have the chance to talk when your holiday schedules don`t even coincide?  I held my tongue back of course but I was so itching to tell Beatriz how stupid she is - unless of course, they both are going home for good.  The way I see it however, the case seem to be irresolvable.

Anyway, to make things clear and to bring you back to Beatriz`s and Eric`s beginnings, it`s true – Eric was a “rebound” love for Beatriz.  She just broke up with her boyfriend then when she met Eric.  He is Beatriz`s best friend’s brother.  She was fresh from a break-up. They met in a wake and now their marriage is almost waiting to be mourned about.  Beatriz claimed she doesn`t really like Eric to start with but during that time, all she need is somebody who will lessen her heartache somehow.  Today, as fate have always played a trick or two to any of us, it served Beatriz the  ”punch line” of all times – she fell  for her rebound love interest, in fact, she fell really hard.  In my opinion, she even landed on her face! 

No, I am not happy with what Beatriz has had to go through.  Come on, I am just an honest person but I am not cruel.  The thing is, Beatriz seem to me like she had her brain shaken pretty hard from the fall as well.  Her and Eric has two children – two more souls whom she can pour her love onto; two more hearts who can give her back the love enough for her to survive her lifetime; two more beautiful beings worth living for.  Unfortunately, she doesn`t seem to care.  (Seems like it to me.  That was just my opinion.)

Beatriz is almost losing the will to go on, and that part saddens me the most.  I couldn`t help but speculate.  Could it be just pride? Or the ego maybe?  If it is indeed the pride, I don`t know but, aren`t you losing more of it doing all the begging for this man to stay?  Is he even worth it?  I mean, come on, he already made up the decision to turn his back from you.  He already made a choice and he made it known to everyone especially you.  I am not in the position to judge here but with what he did, he somehow turned his back from his children as well.  I don`t want to sound like an overly-man-hating-feline but these kind of person has a stain of selfishness.  No matter what you say, when a man betrays his wife, he betrays his family.  However, whatever the real drama is, my opinion is that, all this emotions are just feelings of the flesh.  Yes, our neighbours will be gossiping about it, so will most of our bogus friends, but, in the eyes of our God, they don`t exist.  So you stumbled – Fine! Then get-up, dust yourself off and move on!  Easy for me to say... but I tell you what, it`s the only way to go.

So I was thinking... Beatriz along all of the drama in her life could be the “Yellow” shade of this iridescent rainbow.  Then again, she could be the “blue” not because she is calm and cool but because of so much gloom in her soul.  In poker, she could be the many suits of the cards – so big a heart she got to love another person more than her life; a spade of bravery which she doesn`t realize just about; a precious gem in her own special way if only she learns to love herself first; a probability that she, just maybe right about how she perceives the events in her life.

Then again, I would like to go back to “Yellow” for jealousy where everything started off.  Here, I would like to set an argument with myself – Beatriz wouldn`t be as jealous if Eric did not give her any reason to be so.  As opposed to that, Beatriz is not supposed to be jealous if to start, she has trusted Eric wholeheartedly.  Right, but isn`t trust supposed to be earned, Eric?  Or have you earned it already yet you lost it along the way?  Oh, I don`t know.... I only have passion for writing, none for marriage counselling.  In fact, I could have been still married to this day if I know enough about these matters.  I should actually just shut up right now.

Anyway, my journey goes on.  As I lose some shades through this valley of lost and found comradeship, I gained more.  Somehow, I came to realize one thing – if indeed I am meant to draw a rainbow through the highs and lows of my lifetime, I couldn`t possibly do it right on the spot.  I have to walk through every hill and plain, I have to dance with every tune, I have to let go of the things which are beyond my control, I have to run when it is called for, I have to stop where my heart is not happy anymore.

The 8 shades of rainbow I defined in the beginning are not exactly the colours I could have hoped for.  Yes, they too, have painted my life in one way or another.  Sadly, some of them I realize are in between – not the perfect shade.  The most important realization I have come across with is, for me to pick the right colours of my rainbow, I, not only shall try to be there to observe like a scientist obsessing about “Lab Rats;”  I shall not be there only for my life to be touched but to touch lives as well.  By then, things will be more colourful, more meaningful and well-defined.

More to come!