Rainbow 26

The 8-Shaded Rainbow –Part 26

ToRn

When Beatriz gave Eric another chance, it was half-hearted; when Janelle told me way, way back that she is NOT inlove with Adam, I realized now that she "half-meant" it; when Maya declared that her love for Edward was undying, she could have been half-joking; when Alex said he is going to ditch Jaz, it was for sure half-meant, half-hearted and hoax; when Ruth declared single-blessedness, I can confidently say that she is half-undecided; when Grace reaffirmed her love for Dave, she is indeed two halves doubtful; when Reiley decided to be in a relationship, the relationship itself is a big joke; when I decided to leave Timothy's memories behind for good, I was torn; when I said I couldn't muster the courage to take Marcus back, I lied.

Deceit, lies and duplicity.  Unfortunately, all of us fall upon these dilemma, crippled to our knees, in one way or another, at one point in our lives.  More often than not, outshadowed by self-denial and ignorance, we suit ourselves to the feeling of euphoria, hoping that somehow, what we really wanted deep in our hearts are the same with what we wish to see once we open our eyes back to reality.

Reiley, on an odd, unplanned jam night we had, a couple of weeks ago, accidentally and without him knowing (i guess) bared the rest of himself to us (Dylan was there, Alex too, Ethan and myself - at the same duplex setting.)  In the course of heavy drinking, predictably, Reiley get hammered and was ill-drunk that I swear, I saw a totally different person in his face - loud, nasty, dirty - real.  I am more than certain that it was indeed the real him that he tried so hard to conceal so as not to give us the satisfaction of proving all the suspicions we all are hovering behind all this time. More than being disgusted however, I was relieved to finally see his soul.  A gay (we didn't know until we saw the person) friend of him, who turned out to be the one whom Reiley has been exchanging calls for the last couple of hours while stewing his intestines with shot after shot of rum, dropped by and joined us.  It was a bit shy off dawn, and just like the promise of light soon to come out, a shady issue on Reiley's sexuality has finally seen light as well.  Reiley passed out, the gay guy went in to his room, tried to revive him by doing things young children are not allowed to read about, unsuccessful and all, the gay friend locked the door instead and spent the rest of the dark hours with Reiley in that room, the size of my walk in closet.

Alex, Dylan and me speculated outside, of course!  We laughed and coursed, swore and judged.  I felt bad afterwards, believe it or not.  I felt bad that Reiley, unaware of what exactly happened, has been caught red handed.  You know, it could have been possible that he reconciled with himself long since, just like Jeff.  Majority of us suspect it anyways.  After another hour of making fun of Reiley behind his back, I asked to be driven home.  It was almost 5 in the morning and I am supposed to start work in 2 hours.  In as much as my body needs to rest though, my mind is blown away that I actually stayed up for the next 16hours more - worked without sleep and impossibly survived the longest day ever! 

The rest of us, just like Reiley, have ghosts and skeletons hidden at the bottom-most part of our closets.  And though Reiley has now been bared off his private world against his will, many of us still are buried in the grave of our dark secrets.  Yes, Reiley is screwed, doomed and hammered.  The saddest part is, he still is in hiding and unreconciled with himself.  Like tell me, what really is wrong with being gay?  Public eye? Condemnation? Social racism?  Come on!  In as much as I feel bad for Reiley having been caught red handed, I feel awfully bad with him not being able to get into terms with himself.  Like, how many of us really talked to ourselves in the mirror, in our private moments?  How many of us, tried and understood ourselves after then?  How many of us wished we are someone else because we couldn't accept who we are?  How many of us are in denial for so long?  How many of us die unhappy because we refused to let ourselves go, be free and happy?

Just recently, Dylan had his "big time" birthday party! (a few days after we set that surprise birthday party for him.)  We all had a blast like never before.  Reiley, bad with alcohol as always, was hammered again.  A self-confessed horny ass when he is drunk, he hit off with somebody again, this time though, it was a girl! Alex and Dylan took it as Reiley's cover to disprove the facts that has come out on that fateful night with the gay guy.  My mind tells me one thing, he is bisexual, and I love him just the same.

*Sigh*

I was partying quite a lot lately that I have to put writing aside because I can't help but doze off whenever I set myself up in front of the computer.  That was a bad thing since I vowed to write every single day of my life no matter what the circumstances are.  Well, things happen and vows are revoked anyways, aren't they?  Along with the parties, many new and good things happen as well.  Loraine has given birth to Baby Zack 10 days ago - we were there as soon as she gets transferred from the operating room to the recovery room (yep, that girl has undergone Ceasarian Section because the baby was huge.  Thanks to daily smoothie servings and tons of iced water!); Jaz snobbed me and Reiley by the parking lot because Alex practically used me to get rid of her (Alex told Jaz that he is dating me, now they have "allegedly" broken up for good); we arranged a surprise birthday party for Dylan on his exact birthdate as I've said (he was blown away, thank goodness!); Janelle and I bumped into each other at the grocery store and were civil enough to have said hi, hugged and chatted for a very brief moment; Timothy told me he is coming over to visit me very soon (I am scared to believe it); Michael and Reese hangs out with us quite often now which is a good thing (along with their Baby Girl); we are soon to have a new friend, Loraine said, and we are all excited to meet her (she's a Filipino Nurse who took care of Loraine while she was recovering); Jeff managed to spend a Saturday with us a week ago (we pigged out on chips...chips...and more chips!);  Reiley and I, and later Jeff, talked to Chelsea for the first time over video call via internet (it was so much fun!) - she was extra goofy;  Alex was out of the house on a friday and didn't come back until the afternoon of Sunday - now I am suspecting that Jaz's claim that they indeed spent the weekend together was true; I am in constant contact with Marcus these days and I am afraid where this might lead to.

Now, let me just say that however and whatever we might want to present ourselves to friends and people around, it is very important to be true.  No matter who we are and what we are, there will be people around who will understand and are meant to be our friends despite and inspite of; good news is, all the more that we are true to the world, the more that the world will be genuine to us.  Stop the lies, stop the deceit, forget about living a double life.

Anyway, I am trying to come back to writing and hoping this will lead to something worth moving forward.  Thank you everyone!  I will see you again.

 

Rainbow 25

The 8-Shaded Rainbow –Part 25

Vibrant Again

As was my shout out in my social networking site profile, I have to say it again, that for the last few months, amidst stress at work and missing my family back home at the same time, I almost knocked myself off balance.  True to the saying: You cannot serve two masters at the same time, I was totally worked out - that wasted feeling everyday; feeling weak to my knees even just as the week starts; troubled and unmotivated; the end results, myself,  being incompetent and short on both ends - Oh, I so wanted to pack my bags and go home, if only I could.

Then I met these people - some I befriended and are closest to me now, some are random acquaintances; still, they are individuals and each of them, are "stories to tell by themselves alone."  So all in all, I have met...hmmm... quite a good lot. 

By midweek, Cherry, a friend whom I met through Laura and Noreen, came over to my place straight from work, for a little nap.  Cherry is 6years younger than me - but we get along pretty well.  She is dating this guy, who happened to be a graduate of the Computer University in the Philippines where I used to be a Computer Instructor (so naturally, we have common peers, friends and memories from and of the institution.)  Cherry, maybe being young and a woman, (it could be another reason, for all I know) is the type of person who changes her mind more than the average woman does.  Up until this time, she still is in the middle of an almost undefined dilemma of what and who she really wants in life.  Not that it is any of my business though.  I mean, I could be friends with a person and totally detach myself from his/her personal preferences and choices in life.

Anyway, I went for steam sauna, swimming and hot tubbing with Cherry and Reiley that day.  Of course it was fun!  And while we spent so much time for photo opt (it seems like it) than swimming, I noticed the instant bond between Cherry and Reiley - which is not very surprising given the outspoken nature of both.  After a while, I urged to step back a little from the conversation, leaned a bit closer and listened more to them.  I am not sure if I am just being indifferent and hypercritical, but as I set adrift on my drive to observe, I noticed so much of a nonsense in what looks like more of a yapping and blabbering scene.  Cherry and Reiley are my friends, I know that - but at that moment, I can't help but tell myself how so petty they both are - the endless drama of "I like him, but I don't know if I love him;"  "the percentage of being able to let him go is far lower than that of myself wanting to keep him;" "I haven't gotten over my ex totally yet;" "I am scared to give my all;"  "we are not together, but I like him;"  And then there's Reiley, keeping the conversation going with the same questions, like that of a TV host trying to stretch the interview portion so as to compensate the airtime.  I don't know, it could also be that I am just tired listening to the same things; same sentiments; same drama.  Personally however, I hate people saying one thing and acts otherwise.  I hate people blowing an anthill into a mountain.  I hate people who cannot seem to recognize and stand by what they really wanted.  I hate shaky perpectives.  I hate wobbly convictions.

The next day was a whirlwind escapade - impromptu and all, Alex offered to drive around and just do the "anything goes" trip with me - just the two of us.   Funny how interesting our friendship has become.  I am not quite certain yet, but I do see myself and Marcus in Alex and Chelsea's situation - and how I so wanted to help them both to patch things up as soon as possible, became my sort of, advocacy.   What I see so much in them, is the love that is still obviously there; their compassion to one another; the undeniable care - it was all just too beautiful to waste.  I don't know, but something inside of me, keeps telling me to save them from the turmoil that Marcus and I inevitably sunk in, because we were young too back then, and because we don't have that much of support system from the people around us.  Marcus' friends pulled him away from me, my friends did the same to me, until we drifted so far apart that however great the love we still have for each other, circumvented and confined itself right in the middle, where the distance between us encompassed the hollowness of pride and defeat.  

All throughtout the almost 45minute-drive, I lured Alex to confess about his thoughts, discreetly.  Well, I may not have needed such an effort, because the moment we hit Anthony Henday Highway, Alex, in high spirits, started narrating his and Chelsea's happy beginnings  - how they started; her, being his bestfriend's biggest love; and him, playing the bridge between his bestfriend and Chelsea; him, having the biggest crush on Chelsea at about the same time but kept it to himself in favour of his bestfriend; how the bestfriend died in a car accident on Alex's birthday celebration some 10-11years ago; how he and Chelsea, went to the funeral together and how the lights went off when they both looked into the coffin; how the dead bestfriend's face was all covered with mold when the lights came back on; how him and Chelsea started to realize that they liked each other long since; (they were friends and allies since grade school) how their baby was born; and then they get married; and then finally fell so deeply in love with each other; how they are now threatened by the possibility of somehow losing each other; and how he is trying to stop that, even when the circumstances all point out to that direction and against him.  Alex, shared with me the fun times they had; how so funny was the turn about of their civil wedding - with both of them almost totally missing out on the date of the ceremony, should the officer from the city hall haven't given them a courtesy call - they didn't have time to buy their rings then and they settled for fancy ones just to make it through the day; how they were giggling while repeating after the vows and how, among the rest of the couple who wed that day together with them, only the two of them are the odd pair, both wearing jeans and shirt.

So, Alex and I went malling and found quite a bunch of pretty interesting stuff and best finds at  my price range!  I was so excited - and Alex looks lighter than he ever was.  In different stores that we went in, we of course went separate ways because he goes to men's section.  He later told me that Jaz phoned and he told her that we are together on a date!  So, yeah, I, obviously and instantly became the villain.  Apparently, Alex has planned all these.  And he deliberately used me as his gorgeous prop, to ditch Jaz.  Sweet!  Surprisingly, I didn't feel guilty at all.  Alex took me to the billiards hall afterwards, thought me the basics, and we ended up bursting with fun!  Alex said I did well for a beginner - and I wanted to believe him in as much as I was thinking, that he might just be compensating the trouble he got me into, telling Jaz that we are out on a date.  Well, whatever!

We got home and started drinking with Reiley right away.  And then Matt joined in, Ethan too and then we went out to get Michelle - Ethan's special girl before Maya (it was just Thursday, so Maya is not in the duplex yet).  Jaz arrived too, but after a brief argument with Alex upstairs, she left the duplex, saying goodbye in cracked voice.  Alex, came down and told us that he ditched her (like, again?)  Of course, they fought over me somehow, but Jaz's jealousy wasn't really about me snatching her boyfriend but because she was smart enough to know that Chelsea and I are allies - that more than going out with Alex, as if on a date, I did go out with Alex to somehow get the connection back between the husband and the wife.  When we finally completed the elements of the night, Loraine noticed how so much fun it was with only the few of us altogether.  Later on, or could it be a little after midnight, we decided to hit the club and had a blast!  Even Loraine, who is due to give birth anytime soon, came along.  We hit the dance floor, the guys hit the billiard balls.  Then the stinger (it turned out to be) followed on the way home, coffee for them, hot smoothie for me at a coffee shop nearby.  I barely had a couple of hours sleep and then work hours is here.  Lo and behold! My stomach was upset all morning.  I didn't know how was I able to make it through the almost 9hour work schedule, but I did.  I collapsed to my bed right after work and was sound asleep until the phone rang - the whole gang is here again!  I didn't have a vivid idea of how fast I was able to wash my face and get dressed.  The next thing I knew was, I am in the van again, hitting the road with the familiar laughter of the familiar people around.

When the smell of ginger and lemon grass-based soup from the hotpot and the smoke from the Singaporean grill stung my nostrils, I know it is going to be a delicious night!  Asian Hotpot and Grill dinner with Matt, Loraine, Maya, Ethan, Alex and Reiley - now, that's a grand Friday night finale!

 

Rainbow 24

The 8-Shaded Rainbow –Part 24

MatT & LoRaiNe

May the 4th - I woke up to the sound of rough wind blows against my window.  Could it be a storm?  It is very possible you know, given the non-stop downpour last night when Matt, Loraine and Reiley came to pick me up around 10pm, to go to Dylan's and claim the grand prize of the day - a bucket of fried chicken!  And yes,  it seems to be a wee bit cooler than the usual spring mornings too, so I noticed - no, oh no!  This couldn't be happening.  Against my body's will, I jumped off my bed, pull up the blinds and, oh yes - oh no!  Just as I have suspected but wished I am wrong, everything outside that I could lay my eyes on, is glazed, oh wait, I mean, coated to perfection with the whitest of whites of SNOW!  Yes sir, snow again - just when the entire neighourhood has started splurging into spring garden shopping extravaganza; Just when I started to get envious particularly, with our next door neighbour whose lawn is so much greener than ours; Just when we are quite frequenting the Dairy Queen now; Just when I am starting to get excited wearing short shorts; (sigh!) just when the birds are back from migration - here comes the snow again! This is just insane!  For a moment, and with a sunken heart and spirit, I asked myself where I am and why am I here.  Oh, how I suddenly missed home so much - coconut and palm trees lined and swaying to the tropical breeze; white sand bleached by the glorious sunshine; fresh coconut water and ultra-tender coconut meat; local delicacies made usually with glutinous rice and fresh tropical fruits;  fresh seafoods everyday - every one of them, abundant or scarce, shared by family all the time. (Sigh again!)

So this is just another lazy day.  Nothing to do but curl up in the corner and listen to the noise from the furnace.  Well, this works well too for me in some ways.  At least I got some more time to sit down and think back to the last few days that has come by. 

I suppose I have told you already about Alex's declaration that he will finally ditch Jaz off - to which both Reiley and I just rolled our eyes and smirk at the thought of Alex's being unreliable.  Of course, being the optimistic friends that we are, we somehow wished deep inside of us, that this time, Alex stands by his words.  Well, we chose to chill about the issue by not giving him our full confidence and purposely to save ourselves from disappointment as well.  Alex told us that, it is the last night between him and Jaz; that he is dumping her; that he is going to do this whether or not his wife Chelsea will ever get back with him.  Reiley and I just shrugged it off.  In fact, while Alex is making his, what seems to  be a state of the nation address, (SONA) sounding very much like a traditional politician with endless promises, Reiley & I busied ourselves making up silly choreography of our idea of what a TV show superhero should be doing, in modern days, while yelling for his superpowers to set in. (Like Shaider's Time Space Warp Ngayon din [right now!]  to which we made with some showgirl moves! LOL) We were giggling to ourselves and half-listening to Alex's sentiments.

The next day, when I get back to the duplex, Jaz is back there, at the usual and only place she usually is stationed - Alex's room.  Why in world was I not so surprised?  Now, I am totally sold - sold to Loraine's words.  Loraine has given up on Alex long since.  Loraine used to reign in my chair - talking to Chelsea most of the time, giving her advice on how not to give up on Alex because he is trying to change, because he is coming back; and because he is a good person after all.  However, Alex apparently has the fondness of making people around believe that he will do this and that, and then turn out to be doing otherwise.  There goes my confidence to Alex.  There goes my compassion to him as I thought he was hurting so bad with Chelsea turning away from him.  There it goes, straight shot to the waste bin!  Oh well, I am right on one note after all - that my friendship with Alex is rather too young.  I do not know this person a bit; In fact, it is very possible that I do not know him at all; I do not  know how evil he could possibly be.

Alex, just yesterday, caught up with me over chat and instantly felt my cold shoulder.  In defense, he readily told me that he is taking the break up with Jaz day by day - yep, as if in that song which goes, break it to me gently.  Bullshit!  I so wanted to argue with him but strangely, unlike the last few days, today, I feel like I am in no position to even question him.  Now that I am more convinced that I do not know him at all.  I stayed calm and just to give him a hint of my disgust, I told him that I wouldn't tell him any more updates from Chelsea ever again.  He was hurt, I can tell.  But he accepted.

Meanwhile, my comradeship with Matt and Loraine intensifies.  These days, we are together very often.  It could be the proximity - the distance between our houses, but it could also be that we have come along quite a long way now.  Well, for me it wasn't hard at all considering  they are practically Jeff's family.  And just like Jeff, they are genuine people as well.  Funny how I am enjoyably spending most of my days with them recently.  Just last week for example, I was in the duplex from Thursday night, until Sunday late afternoon, and just when I was about to go to bed last night, Loraine sent me a message - that one that says, we are going to Dylan's.  So, that makes it 5 Days in a row!  Make that 6, should it haven't been for this terrible snow that will obviously cancel our grocery-shopping-bonding supposedly later today, and then Loraine's cooking afterwards. Darn!  And how I was so craving for fish and Kare-Kare (a Flipino dish of beef and tripe cooked in coconut milk, peanut sauce and veggies, plus, sauteed shrimp for that kick-ass touch!)  Oh, darn snow again!

Matt and Loraine are just great people - Matt, understandably is just a natural, I mean, having the chance to meet almost their entire clan here in Canada, I saw clearly, what this guy is made up of.  They have a rather closely-knit family; very compassionate with each other - they are a picture perfect of that family, which, though residing in different towns, are constantly seeing each other in Church every Sunday, which then turns out to be a family reunion of some sort, all the time.  Loraine on the other hand, is from a tiny family of four - her mom and dad and only brother.  Her only sibling with whom she holds grudges against with.  And while almost all of Matt's clan is already here, Loraine's small family is in the Philippines.  Matt is subdued, only loud when he has a little bit too much to drink, Loraine is naturally loud but not disgusting.  Matt is submissive ,(to Loraine, that is) Loraine is the boss.  Matt works hard, Loraine is the strategist - and the best one at that.  Matt is a bit younger than Loraine - above all however, they compliment each other perfectly that all the differences between them just makes the whole relationship all the more rock-solid.  Their first baby is due anytime soon - meaning we will soon have to welcome the newest and youngest member of the gang!  We are all equally excited!

Moreover, Jeff had the chance to spend Saturday night and Sunday, with us.  It was so much fun as always with my bonding times with him.  Endless laughter over nonsense stuff; talking like total idiots and laughing at each other's punchlines; even with just a look in each other's eyes, we know right on what is funny and we again, would burst into laughter like it is the first of the day!  Never a dull moment - that would be an understatement.  I mean, when  Jeff and I are together, we never thought of making the most out of the moment; the time we spent together, is in itself a moment of its own which we need not label anymore.  We know in our hearts we are together today, therefore, it is another day of bloopers and laughter.  And that's all about it - if only for that, we have a load of good reasons to be thankful each time we see each other.

Now, remember Robert?  My older friend who went on a holiday to the Philippines recently?  The one who met up with my family in Cebu?  Yeah, that one.  Well, good news is, he is back!  I haven't seen him yet though.  I have to.  That I have to find time for.  I wish to talk to him and catch up.  I will have to ask questions too, both trivial and personal.  I wanted to see in his eyes the reflection of perfect and happy pictures he posted on this social networking site while he was on vacation.  I wanted to ask how he is doing now - I wish of him to tell me his thoughts and learnings in the name of Love.

Till the next!

 

Rainbow 23

The 8-Shaded Rainbow –Part 23

BrO/ken

I am supposed to write about Dylan, but when I bumped into him and asked him about his relationship's status today, he answered right on that since he is not drunk, they are ON.  Oh well, let them be!  Let us move on then.

A friend of mine forwarded a mini-article to me which was written by a primary school student saying, if he would be an object, he wanted to be a television - because he wanted to be the center of everybody's attention; he wanted to be sorrounded by his entire family; he wanted his dad to spend time, looking just at him no matter how tired he is from work; he wanted his mom to find comfort in him when she is lonely and sad; he wanted his siblings to fight over who's gonna have the first turn to be with him - he just wanted to be a TV.

I forwarded the same mini-article to Reiley who reacted to it exactly as I did - sadly.  He then asked me out of the blue: How about you Jessie, if you will be an object, what would you be?  I readily said, I would be a Potty.  Why? Because I feel like everyone is shitting on me.  LOL.  Well,  I do sound bitter and dark but that was my mind set as of the time being.  Reiley was rather shocked with my words and volunteered that he would probably be a bedside lamp - it gives out light but it gets put off too at some point.  We laughed so hard together at our silliness.

 

Oh well now, let us get back to business.

The Alex-Chelsea saga has been quite a show for me.  The "he said, she said" portion per se was rather entertaining.  I arrived in the duplex yesterday and saw Alex in so much pain.  He said it's about this thing called "sciatic nerve" - an illness with pain around the lower back, which is so overwhelming that it goes all the way down to his left thigh and to his left knee making it so hard for him to get balance as he stands and when he tries to walk.  Oh believe me, I can see the twitching of his face on every single time that the pain comes back at a good 4-5 minute interval.

The next day, I was in the duplex again.  It was Jaz's birthday, I learned.  That's right, Jaz, Alex's other woman who called Chelsea and set the bomb off.  So we had Ice Cream cake and the boys drank like thirsty horses - as they always do.  And while Alex and Jaz are seated together, I was chatting with Chelsea online just a seat apart from the couple.  Alex, though still in pain, was noticeably and unbelievably goofy and funny.  He already had set an appointment with the Chiropractor he said, and he is going to the first session this coming Monday.  I told Chelsea right away and she naturally became too worried that she was almost about to get through the wall between her and Alex so that she will be there for him once again, as she always have had.

Chelsea, though hurt terribly, still has the heart of a wife no matter what.  And I can almost see them back together - right, easy for me to say and easy for me to draw the perfection of a man-woman relationship; too easy to tell them to just forgive and let go; too easy to tell them to stay strong - too easy, when what I am actually trying to do is to talk to myself.  Until now, I couldn't help but feel miserable at the sight of a family, breaking apart.  It's instant - whenever such a sight is right in front of me, only two faces which are very recognizable by my eyes, comes to my vision, so vivid that I am wishing to cry so as to blur and wash the awful sight - Marcus and myself - over and over again.  Above all, I can see my daughter in the middle of it all and how I feel so sorry and in terrible pain that I just wanna get through it all, like the neutralizer or the arbiter, maybe the magician, if only to make it all easy and happy for my child.

Alex and Chelsea has a child too.  Chelsea told me that their son is missing his dad so much - at this point, without Chelsea knowing it, I let Alex read her message if only to let him know where he is coming from and where he is supposed to be going.  To be fair with Alex, I can tell how regretful he is - now that there's a great great chance of not being able to win his wife back; now that he is about to lose it all.  Apparently, Alex broke up with Jaz today, a couple of hours past midnight - a couple of hours after her birthday.  The rest of the gang somehow saw it happening, but who knows, maybe later today, on another gathering we are all set to go to, they might once again arrive together, like nothing happened.  My silent prayer however, is for Alex to have a sound decision, first, on what he wanted in his life; what he wanted to do and what would make him happy; second, that he, no matter what it takes, may be able to regain Chelsea's trust back again and for them to be able to build their life together one more time.

Just like  "Popoy and Basha" in this wonderful Filipino Movie entitled "One More Chance,"  I can only hope for Alex and Chelsea to find that strength to move forward, find themselves and hopefully, find each other again in the end, irregardless of how great the circumstances are. 

Amidst the various topics flying around the "drinking room," - from weeds, to coke to Chinese and Japanese languages, I was looking at every face making it's own distinct sound in the room where everyone wanted to be heard.  Jaz was a bit loud now than the usual, Ethan was extra jumpy too, Dylan is totally drunk and getting weird; two more guys who came in rather sheepishly and all, we're banting punchlines like pros; Maya who resisted beer earlier last night, is now downing shots of rum; Reiley was way down the kitchen, in his own world - talking online to who knows who.

When Alex sent Jaz home as what seemed to be the final act of the night, we all sit still and listened to each one's heartbeat.  And then, they were gone.  In a perfect queue, as if as the result of holding my breath while all the drama is on, I felt my stomach rumbling.  I scavenge around the kitchen but there's nothing there that I would like to eat.  Reiley and I decided to walk off and fill ourselves up in Tim Horton's.  When we came back with the rest of our coffee, bagel and sausage and egg muffins, Alex is back and is rummaging a plate of left over dinner.  The discussion went on - on how in the world could he still possibly win Chelsea back.   An endless loop it has become.

Reiley suggested that he should let her be - that he should give her time and space for two reasons: because she deserves it and because she is hurting which is very understandable.  Alex however, quite drunk and all, seem not to hear any word from us.  As I am listening to him, he sounds very much like a kid who wants only instant gratification.  He is insistent that he has done everything already, but I strongly disagreed.  He claims that all his efforts are in vain but both Reiley and I are telling him otherwise.

It was already 5 in the morning, and Alex needs to be at work at 7.  He quickly went up to his room and I quickly grabbed my laptop to start writing; Reiley quickly placed an overseas call to someone in the Philippines, to whom later on, I heard (I mean to eavesdrop, I admit) him saying "I love you" and "I miss you."  Oh dear, I could have given it to him and let it go if only I was not able to hear that it was a male voice too, coming from the other end of the line.  Okay, I could be wrong, I mean, there are females with a natural male voice tone, I know that.  Haha... let's try again.  I could totally have given it to him, if only Loraine and I were not discussing about Reiley's sexuality over the last few weeks; I could have actually made it pass, had I not known of Reiley's and Jeff's kiss sometime back around Valentine's Day.

Shoot, I heard Alex's screaming alarm clock upstairs and he seem to have totally passed out because the clock isn't shutting up.  I was in the living room downstairs.  I looked up at the clock which says 6:45am.  At 7o'clock, I packed my laptop, grabbed my jacket, put my sneakers on and was walking home in rhytmic steps anticipating another grand sleeping time in my own bed.  3degrees was wonderful especially with the perfect sunshine injecting the first and freshest serving of vitamin D through my back.

Wuhoo!  This is L-I-F-E!